I have peace and true joy when I get to celebrate a new pregnancy or birth with friends. Being part of a mom tribe, we seem to have new babies in groups. To many, our family may look complete; husband, wife, son and daughter the all American family. Yet we have the desire to have more children. My husband and I have walked through years of infertility and weathered the heartbreak of pregnancy loss. I struggle to share this because many will say to be content with what I have. I am so thankful for the two miracles we are privileged to love, protect, and raise. I believe I can be content and still believe for dreams. This has been a battlefield of emotions and doubt. I have learned that the most hurtful and drawn out battles are due to my unbelief and lack of trust. When I choose to hold back my heart from God and my actions say, “God I don’t believe you’re good”. I allow my self worth, my calling, and my dreams to be questioned by doubts. Yet when I choose to believe 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. and Philipians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything be prayerful and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I take all my emotions, my heart, my children, my marriage, my thoughts and my imaginations to God. God has never been intimidated by barroness or devastation.
So many times I have faith for those around me but doubt God would answer a prayer for me. Like Sarah in Genesis 17:12 I laugh it off. I know God has the ability but I doubt he would do it for me. I want to believe but struggle to trust enough to risk disappointment.
What if I ask but I am told, “No”? What if I am told to wait but don’t know for how long? What if He asks me to do something hard?
Mark 9:24 I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief. We all have times when our belief and unbelief crash into each other. It is our actions in these moments that show where our trust is placed. Do I try to handle everything myself as if I have control or do I cry out to God?
I can pray for a friend or stranger completely believing that God is good and we will see a miracle happen. Yet I find myself struggling to pray over the simple everyday tasks in my home that a mom faces.
Jeremiah 32:27 “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I am willing to trust God. He continually helps me with my unbelief. Yes there are times I want to say, “This is too much” or “I can’t do it.” Time and time again Jesus puts his loving arms around me and carries me through. I choose to be specific in my prayers and thankful even when I don’t understand. No matter what, I choose to hold onto God’s peace and joy. I choose to trust God’s goodness and love for me just as in Daniel 3:18. “But even if he does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
So I ask you, are you willing to walk through the fire, give up your ideas, dreams or even life to worship God in the realm of the Spirit and in truth? (John 4:24) Because 3 men chose to give God their all even against all odds, God delivered a nation. I don’t know what you are walking through or what God is asking of you but I know he is worthy to be trusted.
Written by Sarah Petro